I arrived home yesterday from my trip to Paris with the hubby. I’m still not pregnant – I know this because I got my period 3 days early while we were away. I have to just get that out the way straightaway. I’m gutted obviously BUT..and this is huge thing for me.. I didn’t cry at being a total failure at getting pregnant. That’s the first month ever I think that I haven’t cried so it’s a mini victory I guess. I was more pissed off that I couldn’t have more “husband n wife” kind of fun to be honest!
Paris was good – I can’t say it was everything I expected because it wasn’t. Bits of it weren’t nice and I was pick pocketed as soon as we arrived (the boy gave us it back which is bizarre, but still.. it shook me up a little)
Eiffel Tower, The Louvre, The Catacombs, Pere Lachaise Cemetery and Disneyland were all what I was hoping for and more though. We walked around holding hands, taking embarrassing touristy selfies and just laughing. I never felt down about not being pregnant.. I thought about it of course; I always bloody think about it.. But I was okay. I was good.
I enjoyed glasses of red wine and rare steak (well, it was classed as medium by French standards – their rare is still mooing) and I didnt have to worry. I went on Space Mountain and Tower of Terror (and terrifying it was, believe me) and I knew I wasn’t risking anything. I couldnt have done any of that if I was pregnant! I’m starting to focus on positives now because there IS a positive side to not being pregnant and while it’s pretty miniscule, it’s important I try focus on it otherwise I’ll make myself crazy.
So I’m a little premature but between work and organising myself (I.e figuring out how to squeeze enough shoes and clothes and make up into tiny hand luggage) I doubt I’ll have time to blog before I go.
On the 25th January (Burns night to any fellow Scots out there) my husband and I will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary. Of course last year we were pregnant and excited and blablabla – we all know how that did NOT turn out. BUT! I am positive Nicola for the time being and I’m being positive about our future and about our upcoming 4 day trip to the city of luurrvveee (don’t worry I hate me too for saying that). PARIS!
We’re really trying to put the past behind us now. Not in a ‘forgetting what happened ‘ kinda way, just more like trying not to let it rule us.
So this trip is going to be a good trip. We’re going to be those annoying tourists and do annoying tourist things like go to the Louvre, Notre Dame, Catacombs, Eiffel Tower, Pete Lachaise and…. DISNEYLAND. (I’m 29 and not even slightly ashamed). We’re going to take loads of pictures, do loads of kissing, eat escargot and freshly baked croissants and maybe have some ‘grown-up’ fun (and actually for FUN because I won’t be TTC) and most importantly I WILL NOT CRY!!! Nope. I won’t.
Oh for anyone that is just dying to know how I’m getting on, I’ll be trying to upload some pics on my IG account if I get time. (You can search “sideshownikki” to get me)
I wanted to post something christmassy/festive-ish but I haven’t been able to get in the mood so far. I’m working Xmas day so that could explain my lack of festive spirit. It sucks. BUT.. I do finish about half 2 so I’ll still get most to spend most of the day with my family and thats helped rid me of the scroogness. Yay.
Not gonna lie.. a few days ago I got a bit down thinking about having to work and knowing that this year was spossed to be different. Shudve been baby’s first Christmas with us…. I cried on the train to work. Only a few drops so I don’t think anyone noticed.
Anyway.. me and hubby had our own wee mini Xmas tonight. I got some great gifts – sweet thoughtful gifts and i love him so much for it. As I write this, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed playing with the virtual reality headset I bought him and its hilarious honestly. He looks bloody ridiculous! He really makes me happy though.. I ought to cherish moments like these instead of reminding myself of the negative things. It’ll happen one day, I know it will.
So while I sit here feeling festive I wanted to wish all my followers and whoever else is reading.. a very very happy Christmas and a wonderful new year!!
Good luck to everyone on their baby making journeys and even bigger luck to those followers that are expecting and have parenthood to look forward to! Eeek!
Also.. thank you to every single person that’s liked/commented/followed my blog. You all have made a huge difference to my life.