Over the past few years I’ve encountered a fair amount of misconceptions, or judgments relating to my miscarriages and I thought I’d share some of them with you. My top 5 (by top, I of course mean the most frustrating/hurtful):
- I hate being around children
- I hate pregnant people
- I’m too fragile to hear about your own pregnancy
- There must be something wrong with me – I probably can’t carry boys.
- I’m not upset anymore. Afterall, it was ages ago, and it was just a foetus. It wasn’t even a baby.
So these things come up a lot. Believe me. A lot. I always feel I’m constantly having to justify myself, or give people appropriate answers for their questions. So from now on, I’m going to direct them here –
So here’s your answers folks!
- No, I happen to love children. I’m studying childcare, and to be honest – more often than not, I find them more fun than adults and enjoy being around them. Yes babies are hard, of course they are – but that doesn’t mean I hate being around them.
- I do not hate pregnant people. But imagine you lost your wife or your husband, or you very recently split up with your partner- seeing other people happy and in love would have an affect on you – you’d be a little upset. It’s normal. Same with me and pregnant people. I’m not the devil. I’m human and I’m flawed. Just like you.
- I am not an idiot. I’m more than aware that people get pregnant. I’ve been dealing with it for 3 years – you can tell me. I might not be 100% happy all the time, and I may unfollow you for a bit.. but I’m more than capable of hearing about it and dealing with it in my own way. And i can be happy.
- Please do not try guess what is wrong with me. Doctors don’t know. Teams of specialists don’t know. You certainly don’t know. Yes maybe your auntie “couldn’t carry boys ” (although how they ever found that is beyond me) but I’m not your auntie. I’ve had miscarriages. I’m now struggling to fall pregnant. There is nothing wrong with me. I am like millions of other women around the world. I’m normal. I just happen to struggle a little more than you do.
- Ok so just don’t. Don’t EVER tell me it wasn’t a baby. Don’t tell me how to feel. Don;t tell me how long I can feel sad. Don’t assume anything. I lost my children and I can never change that. But your assumptions and your judgments don’t help anything. If you want to know anything– just ask me.
Has anyone else had to deal with this? People tip-toing around you, or people making assumptions? Let me know!