I’ve had this blog for nearly 3 years now and for the most part – I guess I’ve remained pretty anonymous. I thought maybe it’d be nice to open up and show you all ‘me’ – not just the miscarriage, infertility .. but the regular everyday me. So here goes.

My name’s Nicola, I’m 31 and I live in a small town just outside of Glasgow, Scotland. I think most people know that, but hey; it’s a starting point. I love being Scottish – I’m proud of our little country, and there really is no-one quite like the Glaswegians! I’m married – (you’re probably familiar with Nikki and my stepson Kian.) We have a dog – Kyla. She’s beautiful and just an absolute sweetheart. We had a snake called Abaddon (I mainly called him snakey to be honest) but he died and I cried a little.

I work part-time in a care home and I’m studying Early Education and Childcare at college full time. I’ll be qualified next June, which seems an eternity away. But then again, I feel like I’ve blinked and the last 3 years has gone in a minute.

I LOVE to travel and we try do it as much as time and money allows us. We’ve been to England, Berlin, Paris, Krakow, Cuba and Barcelona together and we’re off to Montenegro in Summer. Costa Rica and Nashville are the next ones on our list – but that’s going to be some big time saving so I imagine in between all the other stuff going on, it’ll take a few years. I regularly fantasise about winning big and spending the next few years travelling the World. Sadly, the most I’ve won is a tenner which barely gets me in to Glasgow city centre.

I love music – pretty much any kind – but top 5 would be: 1.Alice Cooper 2.Dolly Parton 3.Shinedown 4.Eminem (old school of course) 5.SIA (these change regularly depending what mood I’m in.. I mean, Celine Dion and Elvis have to be in there sometimes too)

I have – I think – 27 tattoos. I’ve always loved them. I’m torn between being a leather wearing, tatted rock star to wearing floral dresses, cowboy boots and chilling out at the Bluebird cafe (I wish).

I love going to see shows, going out for nice food, reading crime/thriller books, and watching a fair mix of decent & terrible T.V! Ru Pauls Drag Race is my number 1 guilty pleasure at the moment. (and hubbys too, shhh!)

I guess that’s the main things. Anything else you’d like to know – just ask. Let’s get to know each other. Hope you all feel like you know me a little better now. I’ve put some photos on as well so you can finally put a proper face to the person! So yeah.. Hi everyone!file__storage_emulated_0_WhatsApp_Media_WhatsApp Images_IMG-20180101-WA0040file__storage_emulated_0_Pictures_Instagram_IMG_20170728_180114_015file__storage_emulated_0_WhatsApp_Media_WhatsApp Images_IMG-20180101-WA0006IMG-20170418-WA0009file__storage_emulated_0_Pictures_Instagram_IMG_20170425_110604_703




So I naively thought I.V.F would be simple – I mean; I guess I knew it was a long, difficult process but I think I chose to overlook that part just so I could revel in the excitement for a while.

But now that it’s approaching, I’m starting to worry a little.

I don’t know how I’m going to manage college and studying full-time, working part-time (12 hour shifts), look for a new house and attend all my I.VF. appointments. I don’t know how I’ll cope with injecting myself. I don’t know how I’ll deal with the side effects of  the treatment. I don’t know how I’ll deal with the in between stages – the waiting. I don’t know how the hell I’ll cope if I do all of this and it still fails??

Someone please sprinkle some positivity on me.



My period arived this morning.

I’m okay with it. I’m feeling so positive this year that I genuinely don’t feel as shitty anymore when she comes to visit.

My biggest thing now is that I just don’t get it. I don’t get how I can fall pregnant 4 times in 2 years, how I can ovulate every month, how I can have “great eggs and a great uterus” (doctors words remember), how I can haveno medical reasons for not falling pregnant, yet in the last 16months I haven’t been able to.

Now, like I said.. I’m still feeling positive that with IVF, we’ll have our baby soon – but I still can’t help but question things. What’s changed? There has to be something doesn’t there?




I’m usually not a huge fan of Valentines Day. I think people are pressured in to doing something and if they dont… well, your partner obviously doesn’t love you enough. Its unfair.

But! And it’s a big but. Over the past few years we’ve realised how important it is to show each other how much we appreciate and love the other person, so we try do something. (I still don’t agree with restaurants over charging you though!)

There’s a shop in the UK called Marks&Spencers that does a great wee “dine in for £20”. You get a starter,main,side,dessert,chocolates AND a bottle on wine. Sorted.

Without getting in to a detailed critic type review, let’s just say it was beautiful. We sat on a blanket on the floor, the room was candlelit and Andrea Bocelli echoed through the soundbar. After dinner we made love on the floor – something we hadn’t done in so long. (Is that tmi? I mean, everyone knows we do it but maybe that was oversharing)

But it really was lovely. I think it’s something we both really needed.

I.V.F – Appointment no.2

I.V.F – Appointment no.2

I had my 2nd appointment at the I.V.F clinic today. I had no idea what to expect – I kind of figured it wouldn’t be baby making time just yet, but what else was there to do?

So, I waited for like an hour in the waiting room. It was SO busy. I’m not complaining about waiting (well I’m not complaining …now... I was probably internally complaining a little at the time), but I’m just so shocked at how many men and women are going through this. And that was just today! How many were there yesterday? And how many will be there tomorrow? And the next day?

It’s kind of comforting knowing I’m not doing this alone. There’s so many of us. Of course it’s tragic, and I wish this whole miscarriage/infertility thing was just a myth – but it is kind of nice knowing you’re not in the boat alone. There are people that know exactly how you feel.

I read one of the notices they had up in the waiting room. Turns out this clinic (at the Glasgow Royal Infirmary) has the highest success rate in the whole of Scotland. Something like 168 live births from 309 embryo transfers (I think that’s the terms, I’m still not 100% sure of all of this). Those numbers may not be entirely accurate either, but it’s around that mark.

Ok, so back to the appointment. I had an ultrasound to make sure I was cyst free and that my uterus looked good. “You have a lovely uterus”.. “Why thank you, it’s all mine”. It’s kind of strange getting compliments on your uterus, but hey – I’m a woman – a compliments a compliment.

She showed me where I’d ovulated from this month and I could see 5 or 6 little black circles that she told me were my eggs. I was totally amazed by this. She thinks I’m a great candidate – good egg reserve, and of course age is on my side (I’m 31).

So now we wait. Wait for Nikkis sperm results. Wait to get to the top of the list. Wait to start our treatment.

Hopefully around March or April. Jeez. That’s like.. next month.. this is all getting very very real.