Adopting a new attitude.

Adopting a new attitude.


I was out for dinner and drinks (a lot of drinks) on Saturday night with the husband, and his aunt and uncle. They’re both in their forties  and are going through the adoption process at the minute.

They tried for a long time to have children of their own.. I think they had two or three failed IVF attempts and they mutually agreed to stop because the Clomid wasn’t doing my aunt any favours. I don’t know every detail because they don’t really discuss it a lot but I know they’ve had to deal with miscarriage too.

I was always unsure about adoption. Not that I don’t think it’s it’s wonderful thing to do.. but I just wasn’t sure it was for me. Now though,  I can see myself warming to the idea. Don’t get me wrong.. I want to continue trying naturally for a few more years,  but if it came to it.. and it wasn’t happening for us – it’s something I would definitely consider.

I don’t know if the process is different in America, but here they’ve been able to pick their age group of “0-4”. They’ve been scrutinised for a long time – their jobs, their home, their relationship with each other and with other family members.. its been a long draining process for them I think.

Their final step is to go to a panel, then if they’re approved by them.. it’ll just be a waiting game. Once a child is best matched for them, they’ll be able to bring them home.
(Fostering to begin with, then eventually adoption).

My husband said how amazing it is that in a few months time there could be a new addition to our family.. a child out there somewhere that has no idea his or her life will change for the better. They’ll be with parents that will love them so much, and welcomed in to a family that knows how important they are. It really is a beautiful thing.



I got my period bang on time again this month. I said last time that I was feeling ok about not being pregnant,  but truthfully – I think I only said that because I was convinced that I was going to see a positive. 

I’m so confused. I fell pregnant literally immediately last time. This time, it’s so fucking hard! I’m 28, I’m a healthy weight, I take folic acid and I ‘try’ throughout my cycle so why am I still not bloody pregnant? Didn’t that girl down the road get pregnant by accident? 

The anger comes sometimes too. I see all these people having babies and not giving a shit. I see them 7 months pregnant and still smoking. I see them shouting and swearing at their kids and I feel so much hatred for them.  Yes, I said hatred. It isn’t fair. They take it for granted, while here I am trying everything to fall pregnant and they don’t even realise how lucky they are. 

12 weeks

12 weeks


I still have such vivid memories of the day that it terrifies me. Sometimes it’s all my mind will allow me to think about. The thoughts crop up every so often, and they’re almost always without warning. I could be watching the television, reading a book or even relaxing in a nice hot bubble bath then suddenly there it is – right at the forefront of my mind. It can feel like I’m watching a film, only I can’t stop it, can’t pause it and can never ever find the eject button.

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