So it turned up yesterday. 26 fucking days. In 15 years I have never experienced 26 day cycle.. but for some reason for the last 2 months; shes turned up after 26 days.
So now I have no idea when I’m ovulating.. I never know what length of cycle my body will decide to have, and if im perfectly honest.. the CM checking is all just a guess at best.
I don’t want to go down the route of ovulation testing for 2 reasons:
1) They aren’t 100% and I worry I won’t use them right, or I’ll miss the surge, or I’ll get a dodgy pack. Whatever. Too many variables.
2) I’m trying not to put loads of pressure on myself, and I feel by testing it’s taking the fun out of everything and adding extra stress to the situation. Does that make sense?
I already feel stressed and as every single web page/family member/work colleague tells me.. “stress isn’t good when you’re trying for a baby.”
It’s been 16 months of constant trying and I’m starting to lose hope. Yes, I’ve been pregnant twice in that time but what does that matter? One of those only made it to 4/5weeks! Doc’s say nothings wrong but this can’t be normal. It can’t be this hard.
I also won’t get any sort of help until I’m 35… Does that mean I have another 6 years of this? At least?
I don’t know if I can deal with feeling like this every single month. Crying.. feeling like a failure. And if one day, I do get pregnant.. can I handle another loss?
Ugh.. it’s one of those days. Again.