Faith

Faith

I’m not religious. I don’t believe in God or Allah or Buddha. Well, maybe I do. Maybe I believe in all of them and that’s the problem.

I was brought up Catholic – mum was a kind of average Holy Joe who had been brought up by a staunch old- school Catholic mother. My gran threw her eldest daughter out when she got pregnant out of wedlock and nearly choked on her rosaries when my mum married a *whisper* protestant. When she passed away, we were no longer forced to go to church and I found myself separating from religion all together.

I’d like to think I still believe in Heaven, but then I also kind of like the idea of reincarnation. And ghosts. Can you believe in a ghost if you’re Catholic? I’m fascinated by Norse Gods but I also believe in evolution and aliens too so I guess I’m constantly juggling conflicting ideas. Or maybe I’m too swayed by Netflix conspiracy shows that “prove” the existence of all these things.

But the one thing that always comes back to me – and I’m sure even the people with strong faith must struggle with it too – is the inevitable question. “Why us?”

Why; if there is a God, does he let drug addicts have babies while 5 of mine have been taken before they’ve even had a chance at life? Why, when I’ve tried to be a good person (underage drinking at the local park aside) do I feel like I’m being punished for something? Why me?

I’ve made my peace now with whatever my outcome will be but, I think I’ll always ask myself that question. Why did it have to happen to me?

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Impatience

Impatience

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I was stationery shopping yesterday (does anyone else love buying new pens and pads by the way?) and I may have made a beeline for the pregnancy tests. I also may have bought one three, and I may have already taken one two. 

In the whole 3 times I’ve been pregnant, I have NEVER had a positive until I was at least around 4 days late. Not even a hint of a line has shown up early – even with the sensitive tests – so I have no idea why I tested. (Well I do, it’s because TTC turns me into a crazy person!) 

It of course was negative – both times. I also never told my husband because he specifically said to me just two days ago “even if you don’t get your period by Tues, DON’T test until the weekend, you’ll end up disappointed”. Man I hate when he’s right. 

The worst part of it is I still have one left that’s burning a hole in my pocket and I CAN’T PROMISE I WONT USE IT TODAY! 

No Tea for Me.

No Tea for Me.

I’ve been absent from WordPress again the past few weeks. I’m the worst blogger, I really am.

I took on board everyone’s advice last post and purchased raspberry leaf tea capsules. I had to do the capsule thing; I’m really not a huge tea drinker. Believe it or not, not everyone in the UK loves a cuppa!

I also tried the “conceive plus” fertility gel, but I have to admit I wasn’t a huge fan. It wasn’t particularly messy or icky like I feared.. it just kind of made it.. I don’t know; different. We ended up just using it after I *cough* finished * which worked out best for us. Maybe I’m just not a lube-y kinda girl.

Anyone experience side effects from the supplements? Just curious.

I’m now on day 30, of a normal 32 day cycle. (Last month was 33) and feeling pretty normal. I’ve been crazy gassy (TMI) much to my husband’s delight and I’ve been a little emotional – but I’m always pretty emotional to be honest.

Anyway. I’ll update you all with any phantom symptoms/late periods/eventual menstruation.