Quote-a-day (number 2)

Quote-a-day (number 2)


There’s me talking about how the 3 day challenge is so much easier to stick to and how excited I was to do it, and suddenly I’m 4 days in and only have 1 quote!

My excuses – work, college, weekend, wine(s), a really good film, a christening and a birthday. I think you should let me off.

But here it is. Better late than never. Quote number 2:

“A day without laughter is a day wasted”

This was of course from the late, great Charlie Chaplin. I kind of wish I’d left this until the last day to finish on one of the greats, but I just had to put it in. I guess it sets me a challenge for tomorrow right?

Anyway, this quote. It’s a good one isn’t it? We need to laugh. We need to smile. And we need to remember that no matter what we’re going through, there’s always a reason to be happy. My husband makes me laugh. A lot. My friends silly texts make me giggle. Sticking on a stand up comedy or an episode of Friends does it for me too. Catching my dog trying desperately to catch her tail. Watching Kian pretend he’s a stuntman at the park. In all honesty it took me a while to see it, but everywhere I look there’s reasons to laugh and smile and just be happy.

What are some things that make you laugh?

Quote-a-day Challenge

Quote-a-day Challenge

Maya Angelou. 'She was special, she was rare.'

The quote-a-day challenge. I’ve not long been introduced to it, and I have to say I bloody adore it – it’s 3 days long so doesn’t require a huge amount  of commitment like these 100 day challenges that are everywhere just now – I think I got to day 12 of the squat challenge before throwing (up) in the towel and making peace with my not so rock hard arse. Think less buns of steel and more buns of well, buns.

This challenge (which I was nominated for by Cyan – I’ll include a link to her blog if you want to give her a follow) involves picking a quote a day for 3 days and explaining why you like it and why it appeals or relates to you. So here goes. My first one is by – of course – Maya Angelou (coincidentally Cyan also picked a Ms Angelou quote!)


“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from and how you can still come out of it”


I think we can all relate to this one. The past few years I’ve often felt I’ve been dealt a pretty shitty hand. It’s been hard to stay positive and find the good in things. I mean what good comes out of losing a baby?

But over time I’ve come to see how resilient I am. I can see that no matter how many times I’m down and feel like giving up; I will always get back up again. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for all my losses. I’m more compassionate, more considerate, more honest. My relationship is stronger than it’s ever been. I find the small stuff doesn’t get me down as much anymore. I bounce back quicker. When I fall, I rise so much higher now.

So that’s my quote. I believe there IS a reason I’m going through all of this and I can either agonise over trying to understand it, or I can accept it and live my life. I will not be defeated.

Thank you so much Cyan for nominating me. I’ll stick with nominating 1 blogger per day (I think the rules say you can pick a bunch though)

So Kerry – I’d like to nominate you today! https://kerryvsfertility.wordpress.com

You can find Cyans blog here: https://almostpregnant.blog/home/



Thank you so much to everyone that’s taking part in the Mug Swap – I’ve sent out all the emails today and am just waiting on a few replies – so hopefully everyone will have a new mug/new follower/new friend on the way soon! Please do share the pictures somewhere so we can all have a look once you get your mug!

On another note – I left you all hanging on tender hooks so I apologise, but my period came a few days ago – I was around 4 days late. Again, I felt okay. Slightly annoyed that it took 34 days to bloody get here, but I wasn’t too upset. I never cried or felt like a failure, which for a long time was a bit of a recurring thought of mine.

All in all, I’m still feeling pretty good. I’m coming to the end of my college term and I only have something like 14 days left of placement. I’m feeling mixed emotions about that – I’ll be glad to have my summer break, and to finally move on to the final part of the course in August but I’ve grown close to a lot of the children and I’m really going to miss seeing them. And the staff too – they’ve been great and really supportive throughout the past 8 months. But I guess that’s part and parcel of this course – It’s only placement – I can’t stay there forever.

Hubby’s moving on to a new job too – better pay and much closer to home (as in, walking distance) so we’ll save a bunch on travel costs plus he gets his own special added bonus of a lie in – I told him he’ll need to savour that because if we get our wish he can kiss goodbye to them for the foreseeable future!

We’ve just booked to go to Rhodes in July (I’m sure that’s almost suicide for a ginger!), and part of me is thinking “Ahhh forget about the bikini body – I could be pregnant!!”, while the other part is trying to limit my chocolate intake to – hmmm I don’t know – 4 bars a week.

Does anyone else have Summer plans?


Mug Swap

Mug Swap


I’ve wanted to do a mug swap for ever, but I kept missing the deadlines, or they were U.S only so, I’ve decided to host my own! Well, I hope to – if enough people are interested!

For those who don’t know, it’s pretty simple. Each person receives a bit of info about a persons likes & dislikes etc and you find the perfect mug for them and send it out! Some people add a little handwritten note, another small item or a little teabag/coffee sachet etc if you like, but finer details would be decided later!

I thought it would be a fun idea for my miscarriage/I.V.F family to take part in something, so I’m just wondering if this sounds like something any of you guys would be interested in? Please comment, and include anyone else you think would be up for this too! (they don’t need to have a blog – just an email address is perfect!)

Oh, and no personal info would be sent to anyone else – only the person that was sending the mug to you. It won’t be published here or anywhere else! This would be open to everyone but you could opt out of international postage if you preferred!

If you’re interested, either comment or send me an email and hopefully we can get at least 10 people involved! Nikkihayes86@gmail.com

Butterfly Awards

Butterfly Awards



I can’t believe I never mentioned this before. I guess my heads been in the clouds a little.

Anyway, around 2 months ago I received a notification that Hubby had nominated me for a ‘Butterfly Award’. They – amongst other things – recognise people that bring awareness to miscarriage or baby loss via blogs/books/social media/making keepsakes/etc. I’m nominated under the blogger category.

I know that my blog is pretty tiny in comparison to some – I have around 150 followers – but my husband knows how much the blog means to me. If I’ve ever had a bad day he always says to me “You should blog. It helps you”. And he’s right. It always does, and I hope it helps other people too.

If anyone is interested – you can attend the Butterfly Awards ceremony without being nominated/shortlisted. Just pop over to their facebook or website and you can purchase tickets. You can also sponsor or donate there too.


Starting treatment

Starting treatment

8th May 2018. My final appointment before I begin treatment. Can I scream a little? Do a dance? Or should I just smile to myself? I quite fancy the screaming if I’m honest. 

My next appointment will last around an hour and we’ll do a detailed medical history and then they’ll make sure I’m emotionally stable and secure enough to have a child (my previous rants don’t count right?). Once that’s been confirmed I need to phone them on the first day of my period then BOOM. Treatment! (Unless they’re fully booked in which case I’ll go 4 weeks later).  

I can’t believe we’re finally here. It’s finally happening. I have to say that it’s been incredibly quick (I.V.F wise – the whole TTC thing has felt like a lifetime at times). I had my first appointment in October and treatment will begin around June so that’s about 8months. Considering this is a free NHS provided treatment I’m pretty impressed! 


**side note – I took part in another Miscarriage Association about coping (or not) with pregnancy after loss. It’s a great campaign so check it out if you’d like support/info 



Next steps

Next steps


I’ve officially hit the one year mark. One year since I was last pregnant. I phoned my doctors first thing and asked if he could help. And he did. He was wonderful! (I’ve moved house so I have a new GP and he’s fantastic!) 

He’s going to refer me to the Assisted Conception Unit at the Glasgow Royal Hospital and hopefully they’ll be able to help. He did tell me that there’s still a good chance I’ll conceive naturally so I was advised to keep banging them out in the meantime. (Well Ok he never used that term; he’s a professional for goodness sake but you get the gist.) 

I’ve been thinking of giving myself until I’m about 35. I know that’s not old, but that would be almost 10 years of my life I will have spent trying for a baby and to be honest, that’s enough. For me anyway. It’s a long time to have this cloud hanging over you. Every woman has their own idea of when to stop, and I just feel that this would be right for me. I know that I can’t do this forever – physically or emotionally -and I think coming to terms with that is the right thing to do. 

But no, wait. That sounds negative. And I’m being positive positive positive today. This WILL happen! Things are moving forward. Things are looking up. We’re getting somewhere! 

(I should mention that my husband is really looking forward to the whole sperm in a cup part of the testing. The one time being a man is harder! – no pun intended) 

Admit it

Admit it


Everyone around me is pregnant. Or has spent the last 9 months being pregnant. Or is Instagramming their babies. It’s hard. It’s hard to be happy for everyone. I know its totally unreasonable and completely selfish, but I’m really struggling to feign interest and excitement for people. 

My social media is filled with bumps and babies. A few work colleagues have been busy thrusting new baby photos in my direction, and I know I’m expected to “Ooh” and “Aaah” and ask “What did she weigh?”, “Was it a long labour?” when really – I couldn’t give a shit. It’s not MY pregnancy, its not MY labour, it’s certainly not MY baby. I’m still waiting here at back at page 1 while you’re on your 3rd bloody book so, take your happiness and shove it! 

Oh OK, I don’t mean that. Not all the time anyway. I AM happy for people, of course I am. I’m not the devil incarnate, I’m not a horrible person, it’s just that occasionally my happiness is slightly overshadowed by my – well –  my jealousy. 

Because that’s what it is isn’t it? I’m jealous. I can admit it. I’m jealous of the people that have 3 babies, and of the people that “accidentally ” fell pregnant and the people that shove every stage of their growing bumps on Facebook. I’m jealous of the people that never struggled. And I’m jealous of the people that don’t know the pain of miscarriage.  

Why did I have to be one of the women that experienced this? I never wanted any of this. I’m just a girl that wanted baby with her husband.