Everyone around me is pregnant. Or has spent the last 9 months being pregnant. It’s hard. It’s hard to be happy for everyone. I know its totally unreasonable and completely selfish, but I’m really struggling to feign interest and excitement for people.

My social media is filled with bumps and babies. A few work colleagues have been busy thrusting new baby photos in my direction, and I know I’m expected to ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ and ask “what did she weigh”, “was it a long labour” – when really – I couldn’t give a shit. It’s not MY pregnancy, its not MY labour, or MY baby. I’m still waiting here at back at page 1, so take your happiness and shove it.

 OK OK.. I don’t mean that. Not all the time anyway. I AM happy for people, of course I am. I’m not the devil incarnate… I’m not a horrible person. it’s just that my happiness is occasionally overshadowed by my.. well.. jealousy. 

Cos that’s what it is isn’t it? I’m jealous. I can admit it. I’m jealous of the people that have 3 babies or “accidentally ” fell pregnant, or the people that instagram their bumps. It’s bloody hard.

I have MRI appointments and also with a genetics clinic to see if there’s something in my genealogy that’s causing the problems.. I do know that my grans sister had 4, but there was a history of domestic violence there so I’m not sure if it’s linked or sheer coincidence. I’ve said it before.. I’ll take any tests they give me. Give me them all!!


3 thoughts on “Appointments/Announcements/Apologies

  1. Completely and utterly right with you!
    My newsfeed is full of the same stuff!!
    It’s heartbreaking. Actually un-RSPV’d to a baby shower today because I just can’t do the faking it thing right now.
    And YES to the jealousy! I feel sick to my stomach if I even think of particular friends who are trying. I don’t even know how they’re going. I don’t care most of the time, as callous as that is.
    Yuk! I hate this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you SO much for replying to this!!! I’m so glad I’m not the only one going through this not very nice stage.. I’m already dreading having to go see friends new babies, but I know I have to cos otherwise I’ll be seen as horrible and selfish and I’m not that type of person..well, not normally. Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 100% with you there, it’s hard! I got rid of Facebook for over a month after we lost our 4th. It wasn’t just the ones who were happily flaunting their fertility, it was the ones whinging about their kids!! Over time the resentment eased and now only rears its ugly green eyed head very occasionally!

    Liked by 1 person

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