Admit it

Admit it

 

Everyone around me is pregnant. Or has spent the last 9 months being pregnant. Or is Instagramming their babies. It’s hard. It’s hard to be happy for everyone. I know its totally unreasonable and completely selfish, but I’m really struggling to feign interest and excitement for people. 

My social media is filled with bumps and babies. A few work colleagues have been busy thrusting new baby photos in my direction, and I know I’m expected to “Ooh” and “Aaah” and ask “What did she weigh?”, “Was it a long labour?” when really – I couldn’t give a shit. It’s not MY pregnancy, its not MY labour, it’s certainly not MY baby. I’m still waiting here at back at page 1 while you’re on your 3rd bloody book so, take your happiness and shove it! 

Oh OK, I don’t mean that. Not all the time anyway. I AM happy for people, of course I am. I’m not the devil incarnate, I’m not a horrible person, it’s just that occasionally my happiness is slightly overshadowed by my – well –  my jealousy. 

Because that’s what it is isn’t it? I’m jealous. I can admit it. I’m jealous of the people that have 3 babies, and of the people that “accidentally ” fell pregnant and the people that shove every stage of their growing bumps on Facebook. I’m jealous of the people that never struggled. And I’m jealous of the people that don’t know the pain of miscarriage.  

Why did I have to be one of the women that experienced this? I never wanted any of this. I’m just a girl that wanted baby with her husband. 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Admit it

  1. Completely and utterly right with you!
    My newsfeed is full of the same stuff!!
    It’s heartbreaking. Actually un-RSPV’d to a baby shower today because I just can’t do the faking it thing right now.
    And YES to the jealousy! I feel sick to my stomach if I even think of particular friends who are trying. I don’t even know how they’re going. I don’t care most of the time, as callous as that is.
    Yuk! I hate this.
    Xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you SO much for replying to this!!! I’m so glad I’m not the only one going through this not very nice stage.. I’m already dreading having to go see friends new babies, but I know I have to cos otherwise I’ll be seen as horrible and selfish and I’m not that type of person..well, not normally. Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 100% with you there, it’s hard! I got rid of Facebook for over a month after we lost our 4th. It wasn’t just the ones who were happily flaunting their fertility, it was the ones whinging about their kids!! Over time the resentment eased and now only rears its ugly green eyed head very occasionally!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s