My present

My present

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This time two years ago I was putting last minute touches to my wedding plans. I wasn’t pregnant and didn’t know the pain of recurrent miscarriage. I had no idea that I was about to spend the next two years trying for a baby only to lose it every time. I had no idea I would have a frequent flyer card at my local hospital, no idea that I would spend hours researching acupuncture and tips on how to get pregnant (and stay that way). In fact, “full term pregnancy” wasn’t even in my vocabulary – it was just pregnancy. A simple straightforward word. It stood alone. The only thing that followed ‘pregnancy’ was ‘baby’. 

I sometimes imagine myself in 5, 10 years – in a detached house with 2 or 3 kids (including Kian), we’re financially secure and of course ecstatically happy and then I realise I have to stop myself. I have no idea what the future holds for me – that’s more obvious to me now than it’s ever been.  

I need to stop imagining and fantasizing. I need to live my life. I need to forget about my past, I need to stop picturing my future and I really need to try enjoy  just living in my present. 

“Try” – optimal word. 

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6 thoughts on “My present

      1. Yeah I’m looking forward to seeing his little face when he sees all the pretty lights bless him. 🙂 and of course I’ve got an elf outfit so he can hate me when I bring out that photograph on his 18th! Haha!

        Liked by 1 person

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