I haven’t wrote in SO long. I don’t even really have much of an excuse. I was on holiday in Spain which excuses me for 9 days, but outside that.. Nope.Nothing.

It’s coming up to two years of trying for a baby (I came off contraception in October 2014) and to be honest I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of symptom tracking and taking supplements and peeing on sticks. I’ve had enough of feeling disappointed and feeling like a failure every month. I’ve had enough of trying for a baby and never getting to have one.


8 thoughts on “Apologies

  1. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think a break is a good idea. I had an enforced one last year (as I had the miscarriage and then needed to wait for a fibroid op) and although it feels sad, it is also nice to have the pressure taken off a bit. Try and do some fun things during that time. We went to Disney World! X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m off to Poland in November and we are planning India maybe for next year.. travelling helps me see there’s more to life than being upset. Thank you for your comment 🙂

      I hope you’re doing OK too!


  2. Just curious if you had your AMH and FSH and thyroid tested? The first 2 tell egg quality and quantity, and the thyroid , if it’s not below 2.5 can quadruple chance of miscarriage and affect overall fertility. I was scanning through your block but wasn’t able to find anything about tests, and as someone who’s been going through DEIVF for a year-and-a-half ( including a recent miscarriage) , I always want to check on my blog sisters out there and see what they’ve done on the testing front. I only learned after my miscarriage that my thyroid levels have been jacked up way above normal and were never at the recommended 2.5 or below, a # my doctors never shared with me as a risk.

    I’m glad you’re able to take a break. We’re not able to do that because of our age, so I live vicariously through those who are 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I got tests after I had a loss at 12 weeks, but to be honest I don’t actually know what specifically was tested. The specialist told me everything came back fine and I kind of just left it there.

      I have her direct line so I think I’ll phone in the morning to confirm! Thank you!!

      I’m 30 next month so I don’t want to prolong it too long. Im torn – it’s not that I want to stop trying, I just feel like I owe it to myself to have a break.


      1. Definitely do and get copies of all your tests! You can still take a break and even better, when you’re ready to try again you can have a more educated strategy. One thing I’ve learned is if we don’t advocate for ourselves and get all the facts, no one else will. “Fine” is such a shitty answer to give a patient as it tells us nothing. Thyroid “normal” levels are under 4.0, for example, but for pregnancy it’s actually 2.5 or below, something many don’t communicate (I found it on the fine print of a lab report I’d requested a copy of which spurred my research and recent post on hypothyroidism and miscarriage). If I could take a year off, I would be all over that – not sure how old you are but I’ll be 43 in January and so the clock ticks very loudly 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much for this! I will definitely phone and get all the info. I should’ve asked more questions at the time bit I was still in a bit of a blur to be honest!

        I’m 30 this year so I know I still have time, it’s just upsetting and frustrating when they tell me there’s no issues yet I’ve had multiple miscarriages.


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