Insecurities

Insecurities

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It hasnt been a good week.

I’ve been having this recurring dream that I’m no longer married. I know that at some point I was, but for reasons that I never find out – my husband has left me.

After some Googling, I discovered that (the short meaning) is I’m insecure about something.

Insecure?! Jeez I’d never have thought that….
Don’t get me wrong, in my relationship I’m very happy (obviously I’m missing the baby, but everything else is great) but in myself, I can be horribly insecure.

I’ve dyed my hair twice in the last week and every time I do I end up in floods of tears thinking I look hideous. Ugly.

I take my make up off at night and notice my blemishes so much more.

Taking my make up off makes my hair look worse too.

My husband tells me I’m the most beautiful person he’s seen and he doesn’t understand why I feel like this sometimes.

I don’t know either. I don’t know if I’m insecure because I’ve failed to keep a baby, failed to get pregnant as quick as I wanted to.

Am I insecure because I don’t look like the tanned, contoured girls on instagram?

Am I insecure because my parents marriage ended horribly and I’m terrified it’ll happen to mine?

Or am I insecure because my hair is actually that rank?

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3 thoughts on “Insecurities

  1. Your hair is probably not that bad! I can’t speak for everyone, but I know my insecurities are definitely from a lack of trust of faith in my body to do anything the way it should. It’s hard sometimes to look past it, but try to remember: you are so much more than your loss, your trouble conceiving, your skin and your hair. They do not define you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment! I’m so much harder on myself than I should be.
      I sometimes feel it’s easier to pick apart the things I can change (hair etc) than worry about the one thing that I can’t do anything about – being pregnant.

      Your comment has really made me smile tho 🙂

      Like

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