My period arrived this morning. About 10mins before I was about to test. She must’ve knew.
I stupidly got excited this month. Even after promising myself I wouldn’t. Even after pretending everything was hunky dory. I was utterly convinced. I ran to my friends car yesterday and had to hold my boobs to stop them hurting. That is not normal for me. I have tiny boobs. Going in to the bath last night, they felt heavy and sore. It was a sure fire sign that I was pregnant.
It’s been 18months of this and I really don’t know if I can keep going. Every month I hope and I pray that we’ve done it and it either doesn’t happen; or it happens and we lose it.
I don’t know if I can keep doing this. I want more than anything to be a mum, but the sinking, empty feeling I get is horrendous. I feel like such a failure.
Why is this so hard for me?