Giving up?

Giving up?

My period arrived this morning. About 10mins before I was about to test. She must’ve knew. 

I stupidly got excited this month. Even after promising myself I wouldn’t. Even after pretending everything was hunky dory. I was utterly convinced. I ran to my friends car yesterday and had to hold my boobs to stop them hurting. That is not normal for me. I have tiny boobs. Going in to the bath last night, they felt heavy and sore. It was a sure fire sign that I was pregnant. 

It’s been 18months of this and I really don’t know if I can keep going. Every month I hope and I pray that we’ve done it and it either doesn’t happen; or it happens and we lose it.  

I don’t know if I can keep doing this. I want more than anything to be a mum, but the sinking, empty feeling I get is horrendous. I feel like such a failure. 

Why is this so hard for me? 



17 thoughts on “Giving up?

  1. Oh, I am so sorry to read this. Sometimes, what I say to myself is, it will come to me when I am ready. It’s hard to keep hoping though, when you’ve been waiting for too long, isn’t it? Try your best, and leave the rest to do its job. Sending you so many warm wishes for the future <3.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sending hugs your way! I haven’t been in it as long as you have (6 months now) but I’m already getting frustrated at how long it’s been taking! I’m trying not to be a quitter and keep a positive attitude but it doesn’t help that my friend got pregnant her 1st month of charting and trying!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ive learned to accept that some days will be more positive than others. There’s no point in pretending that we’re always fine and we’re always happy for pregnant people – we’re not always ok!

      When I sit down n take a minute of course I’m happy – I absolutely don’t resent people for being pregnant. It’s not their fault that I’m not pregnant. But it’s totally normally to have momentary thought of “damn you”.

      Lol 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah, this roller coaster sucks doesn’t it! It’s so difficult not to get your hopes up each month. And it often crosses my mind to give up or have a break too – you’re not alone there. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know deep down i don’t want to stop trying – the excitement i feel when i think i MIGHT be pregnant pretty much makes that decision for me.. but it’s still so sooo hard sometimes.


  4. 1 – Aunt Flow is a straight up bitch.
    2 – I feel your pain. We have been on our journey for 24 months. Currently 13 weeks, but like you multiple losses including stillborns. It’s a really shitty feeling – so I hope you know that you aren’t alone. Please reach out if you need!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve always said that if I want to get my period to turn up, I just need to put a pregnancy test in the bathroom the night before I test. It is seriously the most disheartening thing. And it is so hard to know how long you go for. How long do you try, and how many pregnancies do you lose before you don’t continue at all?
    Sending you some big hugs! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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