It was my nieces 1st birthday party on Sunday and I can honestly say I was really looking forward to it all week. She’s at the age now where she kind of understands what’s going on around her and she gets super excited when she sees something she likes. She does this cute little thing with her hands, like shaking them with excitement and its insanely adorable.
The Saturday before the party I worked a 10hour shift in a care home. I got home at half 10 at night then had to be up again at 6am for another full shift. Straight from work I’d arrived at the party and I was bloody exhausted. Physically and mentally. My works pretty draining.
The house was filled with people – it just seemed so busy, so confined. After the gift giving (which incidentally, was as good as I’d hoped/imagined) I kind of just wanted to go. I wanted to be home. I had this huge feeling of sadness come over me. This was a huge milestone in my nieces life and I realised I was never going to experience something like that with my baby. They would never have a first birthday. Or a first Christmas. First day of school. They would have nothing. They aren’t even here anymore.
It was a shitty day.