I got my period bang on time again this month. I said last time that I was feeling ok about not being pregnant,  but truthfully – I think I only said that because I was convinced that I was going to see a positive. 

I’m so confused. I fell pregnant literally immediately last time. This time, it’s so fucking hard! I’m 28, I’m a healthy weight, I take folic acid and I ‘try’ throughout my cycle so why am I still not bloody pregnant? Didn’t that girl down the road get pregnant by accident? 

The anger comes sometimes too. I see all these people having babies and not giving a shit. I see them 7 months pregnant and still smoking. I see them shouting and swearing at their kids and I feel so much hatred for them.  Yes, I said hatred. It isn’t fair. They take it for granted, while here I am trying everything to fall pregnant and they don’t even realise how lucky they are. 


6 thoughts on “Why?

  1. While I don’t have a hard time getting pregnant I don’t stay that way and can absolutely relate to the jealousy/unfairness that you are feeling. Even though I’m aware that life isn’t fair and expecting it to be will only frustrate you, I still find myself falling down that why-is-that-undeserving-person-blessed-with-babies-yet-I-am-not rabbit hole. It’s totally normal. Try your best not to dwell on it just for the sake of your own sanity but occasionally indulging in those types of thoughts is a normal human reaction to a cruel situation.


    1. Thank u so much for your reply! I know hatred is such a strong word and tbh I don’t really actually HATE anyone. I just get so frustrated. My aunt and uncle are going through the adoption process just now after a long time of trying and being told it wouldn’t happen. They really are the nicest people ever and I feel so frustrated for them too. They deserve to be parents you know?


  2. Hello again. You commented on my blog yesterday so I wanted to stop by and read yours. Thank you for sharing this. I too feel the bitterness and jealousy at times. My due date is November 6th, the day after my wedding anniversary. I really have no idea what to expect but I’m dreading it. I’m currently in my TWW and have decided that it mother nature arrives when she’s expected, I’m going to draw a line under this part of my life. I’m going start trying again after my due date as cycle 1. A fresh start.


    1. Its so hard isnt it. My due date was August and honestly I do feel a lot better after it.a whole weight lifts off ur shoulder n I feel as if there’s less pressure. Last month we obv still tried, but it was the first month since due date and we both felt so much more relaxed.
      I feel even better now – I think my horomones played a huge part in this post too haha!
      The TWW is horrible isnt it 😦 good luck this month n I’ll have my fingers crossed! Thanks for reading and commenting:)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The anger is very real. You aren’t wrong for feeling it and I can’t say that it will ever pass. I’ve dealt with and have been dealing with it and all I can say is just try to focus on your journey. I am surrounded by pregnant women and when they complain I just remember that it is their journey and they have that right. You may have to remove yourself from certain people and situations at sometimes because self care becomes so much more important for preserving your sanity. Real friends will understand and be all right with you taking the time to take care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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