Due Date

Due Date

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27th August 2015 was my babys due date. I was dreading the date. We both were. I kept thinking.. assuming even.. that we would be pregnant by then.

If I was pregnant then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much. Of course it would still be painful, but a new baby would maybe ease a bit of that. Everyone always says you’re super fertile after a miscarriage, and coupled with the fact that I got pregnant almost immediately last time, I was almost certain that by my due date – I’d at least be 1 or 2 months pregnant.

But if you’ve read my last post you’ll know it never happened. The due date was horrible. Waking up and knowing that you should have a baby by now. You should be holding it in your arms, or taking it home, or even screaming in agony trying to get it out. I would much rather face that agony 1000 times than have to suffer the agony I felt of not having my baby.

Its now been 7 months of trying and every month I think I could be pregnant. I get the swollen boobs, the sensitive nipples. I get a little nausea, heartburn, tiredness. Every possible symptom of pregnancy I seem to experience right before my period. Mother nature is incredibly cruel sometimes. It makes it all that harder when Aunt Flo comes. God, one month I was even 14 days late. 14 DAYS!

Maybe I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself, maybe the stress of waiting for the due date was too much. My husband keeps telling me that’s the reason, but I’m also terrified that it will never happen again. I’m terrified that the miscarriage has done something to my body and I won’t fall pregnant again. I know thats probably silly, that there’s still plenty of time but I just can’t shift that horrible feeling.

I’m trying to stay positive for our future. The worst parts are over now and we’ve came through it. We deserve to be happy and I owe it to myself and my husband to start focusing on the good things in life, being happy for what we do have rather than always thinking about the one thing we don’t. All I can do from this moment on is keep my fingers crossed and hope. Hope that one day we’ll get our wish.

And in the meantime, we’re gonna have a whole lot of fun trying!

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4 thoughts on “Due Date

  1. You’re stronger than you think, and too kind a person to not get your happy ending. It will happen for you, and it will be perfect. I’m keeping everything crossed for you both xx

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    1. Thank you so much for that comment. I feel im starting to become more positive. Bought a bunch of ovulation tests, took 2 then chucked the rest – decided it was too much pressure n we were just gonna let it happen naturally.
      My husbands bday is October, mine is Nov, Xmas in Dec then we’re away to Paris on our anniversary in Jan.. so with all those things to keep me busy, I def dont need the added stress of testing. I think its best to leave it in the hands of nature 🙂 still keep my fingers crossed tho 😉

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      1. That sounds like a really sensible approach. Some friends of mine had been trying for five years and were eventually told they’d never conceive naturally. They gave up on trying and focused on other things…just a couple of months later they were pregnant and now they have a beautiful little boy. I honestly believe the pressure was what was stopping them. Easier said than done, but if you can take that pressure off yourself and enjoy all the lovely things you have to look forward to, I’m sure nature will take its course. 🙂

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      2. Wow.. thats an amazing story!!! What an experience for them! I totally agree tho. Stress is never good for the body, esp when ur trying to get pregnant. I know when we fell the first time, we werent event thinking about it and it happened literally immediately. Now, this time we’ve been actively trying for 6months and nothing. Cant be a coincidence. I try think of the positives – just means I get another month of rare steaks and runny eggs haha! !

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